Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
