i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
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I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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