And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
