Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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