i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
