As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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