i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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