fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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