Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
