I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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