i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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