mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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