no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
