Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
