Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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