Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize