She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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