my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
