i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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