your parents love me but you hate me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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