It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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