he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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