i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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