So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Little spoons don't ask big questions
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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