I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
