Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
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I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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