Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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