they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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