I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
