Plan B is the new Plan A
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
