I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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