Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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