dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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