You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
