whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
