Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
