so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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