his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Barsexuality is the new black.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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