K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
