Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize