Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
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I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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