I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
