Need sex. Gaining weight.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
