All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
