Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
