I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Everyone says I win the strip club
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
