You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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