There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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