That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
