Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
