I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
