i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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