Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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