Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
