DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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