you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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