I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
