dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
