ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
