When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
