I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
