i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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