Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
