Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
