So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Pants are for mortals
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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