it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
