So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
