Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
