i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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