my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
