You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
