What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Green mimosas i think yes
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
