I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
