history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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