Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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