My liver just broke up with me...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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