am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
