Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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