it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
