Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So much rum. So many feels.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
