Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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